The study indicated that greater boredom in year seven predicted significantly less satisfaction at year 16. Other questions asked how satisfied they were in the marriage and directed them to select a picture that best described how close they were with each other.
Participants were asked "During the past month, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut, or getting into a rut, that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?" They focused on years seven and 16 among a representative sample of black American and white American couples in the Detroit area.īoth individuals in each couple were of the same race and entering into their first marriages, and the wife was younger than 35 years old. The researchers examined boredom in predicting relationship quality over nine years. Orbuch collaborated on the new study, which is published in the journal Psychological Science, with lead author Irene Tsapelas and Arthur Aron of Stony Brook University. "These findings show directly, for the first time, that not only conflicts but also simple boredom with the relationship can shape relationships over the long term," said Terri Orbuch, a research professor at U-M Institute for Social Research and Institute for Research on Women and Gender. Don't be afraid to ask for help, relationships can be hard, but building something long term with someone is worth it.Researchers at the University of Michigan and Stony Brook University interviewed 123 couples in their seventh year of marriage and again nine years later. If the dissatisfaction grows or talks repeatedly turn into conflict, consider couples therapy. Put down the phones, and take time out every day to talk, especially about the small things. Don't be afraid to talk about any distance, the ups and downs and use these conversations to keep generating closeness, and understanding of each other. What can couples do to overcome the seven-year itch? Is it something serious requiring couples therapy?
Couples that do this well keep turning towards each other, literally and emotionally, and grow together over time. How well couples navigate the ups and downs, and in particular the phase of drifting apart is a big part of success. Failure to recognise the last phase for being what it is can lead to distance, boredom or disconnection - and in some cases infidelity.Īll relationships go through ups and downs, but obviously not all end in divorce at four to seven years. And it is true that all relationships evolve and change over time, as they transition from initial excitement and lust to falling in love to comfortably settled attachment. Research shows early divorce rates peak about four to five years, so if anything, it's a four-year itch. Not a complete myth, but not completely true. Is the seven-year itch a myth or reality?
7 year itch how to#
That's right, your favourite psychotherapist and relationship counsellor, Kyle Macdonald is back to give you the low down on what the heck a seven-year itch is and how to scratch it. It might be time to stop moaning about things like, "Why can't my relationship be bright and sparkly instead of old and predictable?" to your pals and start making some saucy changes.Īnd because this cynical dating columnist is on the fence about the existence of long-term "true love", I decided to call in the big guns.
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